6 weeks of nearly 20 hour days packed with discipleship, ministry, new and old friendships, consistent prayer and countless encounters with God, make for a nearly impossible task to fill you in. With that being said, I hope this fills you up more than fills you in.
There are a few moments I want to highlight that stand as pivotal shifts in my journey thus far. But first, let me set the scene.
Down in the Georgia hills, a little slice of what feels like home is swallowed up by a sea of trees and in the center stands a large building where all gatherings take place. A second building is at the front of campus, where leader training took place for the first 2 weeks. Learning the ins and outs how to herd 40 people across the globe logistically speaking and how to effectively disciple in a 9 month period. And most importantly, how to be a disciple and follow Jesus in all we do.
After leader training, the racers arrived with their mass amounts of possessions and began setting up their house for the next month, made of metal poles and nylon. All the while, completely oblivious to how God is going to radically change their lives in the moments to come.
Meanwhile, I was just beyond thrilled to see His children of so many different backgrounds and stories come together to seek God and put aside all comforts and preferences to do so. Thinking myself only to be a witness.
WRONG. Well I guess not wrong, but not the full truth…
I’ve noticed a pattern of thought when I’ve left each time to do overseas missions. That is: here I am Lord, ready to be poured out and give more of myself to you. A pure motive some would say. I would say the same, but with that, when I come to give, I realize it is HE who gives and I’m merely a recipient. Anything I have to give from that point forward, is simply something I have already been supplied with. There is nothing I offer if I don’t first receive it from my Father.
There was one instance I was encouraged to enter into a worship space with the posture of a child, and not necessarily the posture of a leader. The best leader/shepherd must first know how to be lead by THE Shepherd. I can’t say that’s my first instinct, but He is teaching me.
In one instance, He showed me that I had withheld parts of my self for the preservation and comfort of those around me. One of the staff members gave a brief but deeply convicting word on coming boldly and being people of movement. I found myself completely layed out on the ground in repentance of the ways I had shrunk back in fear of man. From the outside, you could never guess I’m someone who withholds because of my extreme expressiveness and amount of affirmation I receive in regard to being bold. Therefore, I was convinced I was a person of boldness, that is, comparatively.
Well comparison aside, I actually did acknowledge how I grieved the Spirit of God and gave only a generous 90% (at least to my awareness of what’s there) of myself to the working power of the Holy Spirit in my life. But He won’t stop at 90% that’s for sure. He came for the complete work and full reward and so I gave in…
In a leap of faith, I thrusted my whole being at His feet and found that I was no longer at my own will. As worship began, I offered up the 10% I hid for so long that I forgot it was there. Being in complete submission to His movement, I found that things that were not of Him naturally moved as well. Light only has to exist for darkness to cease existence. After a slightly graphic scene on the ground, I began to heal from the lie that had taken root in my mind for far too long: I am too much and I must lessen myself for the sake of others.
While the journey continues, I know that just by merely allowing for such an undignified display to take place in front of mostly strangers who I was entrusted to disciple, brought freedom in and of itself. It was made it clear that I am only a child, teaching people to be like children in the presence of their Father. I had to trust Him with the hearts of those around me.
After having received such freedom, I got a picture of water bursting forth and breaking through a surface and the Lord clearly spoke “this is how I made you to be”. Wow was I sad to say I had not let Him flow through me in the way He designed. Then overcome by the joy of the Lord, I… well you could say, burst forth. I reentered the room with a deep sense of His love and presence that I couldn’t help but dance around the entirety of the room. He really did turn my heaviness into a garment of praise.
While there was some confusion and controversy stirred around the event itself, I found that those who were fearful actually came to see it as the power of God weeks later and experienced freedom for themselves. For those who saw it as awesome from the moment on, also we’re edified in their faith. That is enough for me. If it weren’t even for me, just to see His people built up and deepen their belief is more than I could ever dream.
All that to say, just when I think I come to give, I end up completely baffled by the kindness of God that is waiting in anticipation for me to simply come and receive a portion. Not that we come only to receive, but it is just the byproduct of surrender and the thing we receive is the Person of Christ and not the possessions He gives.
In that light, I have also been blessed with the most passionate and tender team to walk alongside with in pursuit of Christ. I can already give testimony to how He has specifically answered my prayers for each of them and am honored to witness the fruition and multiplication of Christ in their hearts. Meet team Teshuvah! Meaning: a change of heart, which leads to a change of mind which leads to a change of action. In short, repentance.
My team!
Our leadership team!
May you receive the invitation into deeper freedom and be given the boldness to approach His throne in whatever manner you find yourself. I had tasted and seen His goodness in so many ways this past month in a half. Not just through divine encounter, but also through the kindness of people in our path and in the in between moments. We did ministry for a week in North Carolina helping with the rebuilding of homes after the hurricane and found God answering such specific prayers for unity in my squad. He is faithful!
We have just arrived in Columbia and a beautiful world of pastries and coffee awaits. Already have experienced a piece of His heart for this nation and would love prayer for guidance through this next season.
That’s all folks!
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