Hidden Manna

This is a testimony to the wonderful working power of the Holy Spirit.

The beginning of a good work started in what felt like something far from good. For nearly a week, I was overwhelmed with the voice of condemnation. A struggle I’m familiar with, but this came to the point where I was completely debilitated by the accuser. After nearly every action, word or thought I was faced with frustration at the weakness of my flesh. My spirit was crying out for grace.

“…those who wait for me shall not be put to shame” (Isaiah 49:23)

So I wait.

There He led me into the wilderness. “…for you have brought [me] our into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger” (Exodus 16:3) What started as just giving up one meal to pray against the enemy, turned into three days of a full battle. Not one that I fought, but merely gave myself over to see God fight for me. Hunger paved the way for Him to dwell. Far beyond physical hunger, I had never been in a place of such deep desperation to see God. I found myself completely undone at His feet begging for freedom and to see Him have first place in my heart. I was exhausted by my efforts to find freedom for myself. The end of myself was the beginning of Him.

Food became my source of satisfaction, the opinions of man was where I found approval, dreams were my fantasy, my desires were louder than my desire for just Him, I sought to be seen by man, I expected understanding from people, I was afraid to lose the things and people I loved, I yearned to be heard and loved and more than all these things I hated myself for it. This was my feast. And every time I ate of it, I was left feeling empty, dry, weary, disappointed and unsatisfied searching for more.

The beginning of the battle started with me laying down my weapons and everything I knew about how to fight. You might be wondering, what does that actually mean? Put away my kitchen knives? Well no. Before you continue reading, in order that the eyes of your heart may be opened, I encourage you to get alone with God, come to your knees and ask Him to search out your heart. See what you have held onto for too long and relinquish it into the gracious hands of our Father.

He is faithful to finish every good work He starts! I continue on to share what was completed in my time of prayer that it may spur you on to press forward toward the reward of knowing Christ!

My typical approach to God is somewhat sheepish to ask Him of anything really. But this time, as I allowed my fears to come to the light and permitted myself to be upset with the Lord, I felt Him touch deep parts within my heart. I was afraid of what He would find and I was upset that He hadn’t renewed parts of me that were causing death. I want to walk in righteousness to bring the glory that is due to His name. I want others to taste the fruit of my life with Him and see that HE IS GOOD. How could I tolerate rotting fruit on my tree any longer?! God, make me beautiful and pleasurable to you! And may You be the most beautiful and pleasurable to me!

God is making His bride beautiful. His bride is the church. You and me. We are His priced possession and He left His place in heaven to take our place and give us a seat with Him. Simply because He loves us, and wants us to be one with Him. All of us. All of me. And all of you. That is what He paid for. His love with have its way. So have your way in me God! My prayer is that anything within me that grieves Him would flea from me.

Some could say I experienced a deliverance of sorts if that’s what you want to call it. For me, it was just further surrender and giving myself over to the working power of His great might. As we give more of ourselves over to Him, the more He gives of Himself to us. Not because it’s a transaction, but because it’s the product of abiding and the fruit of intimacy. He is not a God who forces your hand, He wants you to come to Him and He will embrace you with grace. He loves to have you near! Why do you think He left heaven to have you? Therefore, I shall give myself over to death, in order that I may find life.

To these things I died: fear, oppression to keep me from freedom, approval of man, competing lovers, my body, pride in my own efforts and hunger for anything else but Him and Him alone.

I have been raised to life with Christ! Rejoice! Because we are all members of the same body. He will continue the unique work has started in you and bring it to completion as you yield to His power.

Yielding for me these past few days have meant a variety of things. Some of which are meant for only God to know, but I’ll share one impulsions of faith I had. We went to a nearby town to a families house to use their shower (we didn’t have access to one) and were walking the coast. I wandered off and sat on a rock by the water and felt my hands started to go numb and my heart was beating out of my chest. This is usually my body’s response to the Holy Spirit. So I jumped. Straight into the water. After showering for the first time in too long and putting on freshly washed clothes, which are very rarely found clean. But I wanted to be washed by Him! I wanted to jump in faith. For what? Idk. I still don’t know actually. But one thing I do know, God takes pleasure in random acts of faith even if there is no fruit from it. We just get to trust Him. So JUMP! Take a leap of faith that may make you look foolish to everyone around you! God will show up.

May He be glorified in all things and all people.

I pray that as you become increasingly aware of His love for you, you would live out a radical response. Awaken us to Your love! Intercept with Your grace. Beautify Your bride. Compel us by your love and cords of kindness. Illuminate our hearts in the light of your love. Make us desperate for You!

“Behold, I am about to rain bread from heaven for you” (Exodus 16:4)

I’ve tasted of something greater than anything this life can offer. It’s His love, feast with me! He has a seat prepared and a portion for you. Sit down and dine and drink from the well that never runs dry. He is the Lord your God and wants to show you His glory. It’s beautiful so come and behold Him.

“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who no money, come, buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk without money and without price” (Isaiah 55:1)

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” (Matthew 5:6)

Seek Him and you will find Him. There you will find life.

Praise be to Him!